Maybe too much?

So... I have come to realize that I may have gone a little over the top with being mad at everyone... it's not everyones fault that I am having a hard time at home. It's mine. I need to get up off my ass and go do things if I don't want to be bored. I expected too much from the friends I made before I moved to California and I just sort of expected to come back and have friends rally around me and make plans to go do stuff like shopping, pedicure, ice cream, dinners, movie nights, Ya know the basic girl stuff. I just needed people to help me get my mind off the deployment. It hasn't really happened. I feel like I have been the one bugging people to hang out with me and it makes me feel discouraged... for lack of a better word I guess. Discouraged because I feel like I am sort of picking on my friends to play with me and they all sort of have their own lives, which I understand but I didn't understand why they where more concerned with their lives than my own. That was selfish on my part. For any friends I have offended for not understanding you have a life and things you do. I formally apologies. I am hurt still but I want everyone to know that I am aware of the fact that you all have your own lives seperate from me. But I needed to explain my side.
When I moved to California I had the best friends any girl could ask for. They came to my wedding and threw me a wedding shower. They went on trips and talked about doing new trips every year to keep in touch. When I left... we sort of lost touch... It isn't from lack of trying...but I realized I called late at night when they usually had work or school in the morning. I got my feelings hurt more often than not because I felt alone. Dave was gone a lot and I didn't know anyone and I was the new girl in a new town with hardly any family around or close by. It didn't help not talking to my friends. You see.. I LOVE my family and they are always and always will be there for me but there are times when all you want is someone around the same age to be able to talk to and relate through what you are going though. I eventually made new friends and things were great.
Deployment is such a scary word... Combat deployment is even worse. I waited patiently for Dave to return from his first deployment which wasn't scary. He was in Japan and just doing training for the most part. This deployment.. as I knew going into my marriage would be worse... much much worse. I knew the danger and so did he. It is his job and I knew he had to go. I am proud to call him my husband but at the same time I am terrified. Every day I wake up and pray... middle of the day I pray... at night I wrap myself in one of his old blouses and I cry and pray for his saftey and return to me. I pray for his guys with him. ALL of the troops there are going through something not many will ever have to deal with or if they don't want to hear about at all can just turn off the TV and avoid it. Be honest the only time you ever hear about a military man passing is if they are local or a big number of them passes... and that is what it is now. They are just numbers in a war that they signed up to do. BUT they signed up for our Country and for some reason that means so little to the other American People... maybe not little...but it's thought very little of unless it's a personal relationship or a local friend. Now my whole world revolves around the military and the Marines. That's practically all I talk about and all I think about. ITS MY HUSBAND WHY WOULDN'T I THINK ABOUT THEM 24/7? I feel I put a lot of people out by talking about them... and for good reason that hurts me and quite frankly pisses me off. I am proud of our military and they SIGNED up so we all don't get drafted... because believe me if they all of a sudden stopped getting people signing up they would HAVE to. It's a job and a huge sacrifice. I know that no one really get's what I am going through.. in Utah at least.. and I don't expect anyone to "get it." I dont wish upon anybody to kiss your husband goodbye for 7 months sending him to a combat zone and praying he comes home every night. Waiting and wishing for a phone call daily. It is by far the worst and hardest thing I will ever go through. I don't wish it upon anyone. BUT I guess I expected my friends to understand this hardship and rally around me giving me things to do when I was all alone. Or just a night out, or movies. We don't have to talk military but don't roll your eyes or stop talking to me if I bring it up. I can't help it, it's truly my whole world now. So I hope this helped... any if not all the friends I may or may not have to understand a little about what I was hoping and thinking would happen when I returned. I know I am wrong to be mad at all if any of you for having your own life... I just expected you all to be more into mine.